Finding the Way to our Daughter - Part 1

I'm just going to preface that I'm not sure how many parts this will be. :)

When we started out on the adoption path, we were looking to adopt a little girl, no younger than 3.  We figured, with Logan being 9 and Miles 6, a 3-4-5 yr old would be perfect!

• We wouldn't have to start buying diapers all over again. Um, hello! I don't think there is more to add.
• One could pretty much assume that after a while for transition, the child could reasonably sleep through the night.  I need sleep. You know how you're one of those people who either needs a lot or a little?  I'm a 'it's past my bedtime if it's past 10:30' kind of people. Waking up at all hours is just hard on me.  I don't bounce back as good as my husband does.
• I wouldn't have to join a play group again. And I  mean no disrespect to playgroup addicts, I promise. I was never good at them, myself.  All of the kids in one little living room always stressed me out.  ;)  And who, honestly, likes hosting them and having 12 little people trash their house?
• Big plastic toys.  'nuff said.
• But more importantly, the age difference between the kids.  I know there are SO many people who have spaced their kids far apart and are so happy doing so.  Back before we realized just how hard it was going to be to get pregnant, we wanted 2 children really close in age.  We got pregnant when Miles was 9 months, but we lost it, and it took us another 20 months to get pregnant again.  It was a bummer for us. (Silly, I know, but honest.)  We want our kids to be closer so they can grow up at the same level and go through relatively the same things together at the same time in life.

So, our unknowing selves marched into or social worker's office with a plan.  And she listened, did a lot of "huh's" and then knocked the wind out of us with her "older child adoption" talk.  Knocked.The.Wind.Out.Of.Us.  I can't even remember what she all said, but we left with full minds and a pretty silent car ride home.

The conversation almost made us change our mind on adoption in general.  She said we should consider the Korea program because the children come home as babies and have a much easier transition time.  (Just to note, with recent changes, babies do not come home as babies.  Many are coming home at 1 1/2 yrs old.)  We decided that we *could* change our life plan.  It *would* be OK.  I cried on the phone and in person to many of my friends in my careful consideration - would it be ok?  Should we adopt a baby?  Do we even want to do this if the only way is a baby?

But in the end, we decided we did, it would be OK and not only OK, but probably amazing.  Our boys would know love in a whole new light and they were over the moon with the idea of a baby.  Their joy in the baby idea helped my fear to go away and joy to set in, but no matter what I did, there was just this overwhelming thought if, "This isn't right."  and "This isn't right" turned into "This isn't going to happen."

Go to Part 2